


(Mourning) bringing kingdoms to their knees

by BadWolfKnight1986



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Mourning, Sad?, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:14:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28043010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWolfKnight1986/pseuds/BadWolfKnight1986
Summary: Some days Morgana's ghost is ever present. Days of celebration are now days where her once closest friends mourn.
Relationships: Gwen & Morgana (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Morgana (Merlin), Morgana & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4
Collections: Merlin (early) Winter Creative Exchange





	(Mourning) bringing kingdoms to their knees

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mamadragon20](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mamadragon20/gifts).



The dawn approached with golden rays shown only through the tiny gap between the draped curtains. They spilled slowly through the gap until they lit a path towards her bed.

Gwen watched them approach, feeling as if nothing else mattered but the light moving slowly upon her stone floors. Beside her, her husband slumbered on, unbothered by the rays.

The world was still and quiet at this time. She knew that was only due to her room and that in reality, the outside city and castle would be bustling with peasants and servants alike.

Sometimes she missed it. The structured days which she couldn’t alter and thus didn’t worry over, the gossip she partook in, the friends she made. 

Other times she felt her husband’s hands upon her waist, the laws he let her remark on, the people she helped and knew she could not be happier than she was now.

Well, mostly. Today was one of the few exceptions. Today was a day when she mourned.

She felt Arthur shift beside her and knew he would wake soon. He normally didn’t get to naturally wake, well not since Merlin became his manservant. 

Merlin. Her best friend. The one who had introduced her to her loving husband and subsequently a better life. 

She knew he would be along soon. He would most likely burst into the room and open the curtains as he always did. He would do it all with a smile upon his face. She wished he wouldn’t though. She knew that his smile would be fake, only there to fool them. This day was as hard on him as it was on her and she wished he wouldn’t pretend it wasn’t.

It would be hard on Arthur as well. Gwen hoped that the men she loved would let themselves and her rest and mourn today instead of pretending everything was alright. Because it wasn’t. Today should have been a day of celebration, of feast and performers instead of one where the halls rang silent of her steps. Morgana’s presence hung over them like a cloud on this day. The day in which Gwen should have been celebrating her best friend’s birth not mourning that she had lost her to evil.

She closed her eyes to the light and resolved to rest till she absolutely had to get up. 

**************

Merlin jerked awake from another nightmare.

He wasn’t surprised. It was a recurring nightmare, one of many. They were always stronger on days like this. Days after she had attacked or days where in the past would have been a day of good. 

He always wakes up from these dreams, screaming a silent name and a plea for it to stop on his tongue. It’s nights like this that have him wishing for someone to comfort him. Someone who gets it, but the only person who was the best for that was gone. Lancelot was dead. And the one other person who could relate was the very person who haunted him night after night.

The nightmares always started off as memories of when they were friends before showing all the times, he betrayed her. Or the terrible things she had done since leaving Camelot. 

Sometimes he wished the nightmares would go away. He couldn’t deal with them. Other times, he almost welcomed them. They reminded him that he wasn’t above other sorcerers. He can claim to be a good person but what good person poisons their friend? He also liked that he got to remember Morgana as she was before even if it left him even more hurt than the nightmares of after.

He closed his eyes and wished he could sleep this day away instead of doing chores in a castle that would be thick with tension. He knew that he didn’t deserve a day off. Not when he was probably the reason she suffered alone for so long. One of the reasons she turned evil. 

It did not do well to dwell on things he couldn’t change so he swung his legs slowly over his bed and got up.

He washed his face and pulled on his clothes before plastering a smile on his face. At this point, he doubted anyone would notice it was fake since he almost never showed his true smile anymore.

Time to wake the King and Queen.

**************

Arthur stared at the door silently. It lay closed before him, taunting him with memories. He swore he could almost feel her presence as he pushed the door open. But of course, the room lay quiet and still. No one had been allowed in except for him and Gwen since Morgana left. He doubted anyone had broken that rule since servants had avoided the room at all costs once they learned of Morgana’s magic. 

Well, apart from Merlin. He never admitted it, but Arthur knew that he came here sometimes on days when her ghost was too strong. Not that he could blame him, he often came here to mourn her as well. He often wondered if he cleaned the room as it was never dusty when he came even though it had been years since it was properly used. 

Maybe he would finally ask him.  
God knows he meant to year after year. And yet year after year he saw how Merlin struggled with her leaving and couldn’t bear to approach him. Same with his wife even. How was he to comfort someone when their closest friend had tried to kill them multiple times?

He couldn’t and so instead he mourned alone.

**************

“Happy birthday my lady.”

She glared at the man and threw him back with her magic.

“Leave me.” she growled.

**************

The room was quiet as the King and Queen sat at their evening table. Merlin stood behind Arthurs chair, jaw tense and eyes staring unseeingly ahead. Gwen’s goblet had long run out, but she made no gesture to have it refilled. 

The light had long faded from the large chamber as the sun and candles dimmed but still, all three of the room’s occupants said nothing.

What was there to say?

They all missed her and yet her presence haunted them differently. They didn’t have the words to explain it. They wanted to help each other and yet instead they suffered alone. The closest comfort they could give was this annual dinner. 

Only the three of them together in silence as they mourned.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this @Mamadragon20 !
> 
> As always song title is (Mostly) from a song.  
> Check out Turning page by Sydney rose :)


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